Thursday, May 7, 2015

Mother's Day---Let'ssss be honest

Mother's Day is this coming Sunday.

Many people hem and haw and complain it's just another Hallmark holiday.

I'm going to be honest here, now that I'm a mom, I love Mother's Day.  It's a day to celebrate us mothers and all the hard work we do.  The saying "a mother's work is never done", it is just so true.

Vacations are not "vacations" when you're a mom, it's just packing, unpacking, laundry, cooking shopping, keeping the kids hands off other people's property, stress in the car, at the airport, weeks of planning, days of catching up on return.

Birthdays, holidays, etc. turn into many gifts that you can use with your kids, or to help you in your parenting, but Mother's Day, this is a day that should be about you and how you want it to be.

So often, I hear ladies upset because their husbands will not recognize Mother's Day.  They say, "well you're not my mother".  Shame on you husbands, shame on you!

This woman, carried your child, this woman is raising your child, this woman takes care of things- she deserves to be recognized on Mother's Day.

One time, my husband forgot Mother's Day- like the time we were living in Japan and we were on a trip to Australia and he turned to me and said "Oh today is Mother's Day".  That was the year that I said to a neighbor, "you know, I don't care about any other holidays, but golly, I care about Mother's Day, I work so hard, and I want to be recognized".  At this point, we had four kids, ages 4, 3, 1, and 6 months and we were living in Japan.

One time, he didn't forget, but he had to travel.  Did I mention I got 3 wisdom teeth taken out the day before he left for the trip and I could not eat anything or raise my voice?  At this point, we had five kids, ages 9 and under and no family nearby.

I'm not mad at him, but I have no justification to complain that he did not give me my 'ideal Mother's Day'.  Why?  Because I never told him what it was or how I wanted to spend the day-- in my mind he should just know.

I had a lightbulb moment this year when I was reading Carry On Warrior, by Glennon Doyle Melton. She was upset about her husband's efforts for her birthday when they were first married.  She sat him down and explained what she was hoping for and how she wanted to feel.  The next day they did a birthday redo and she was very happy.

You see, complaining or feeling sad or unfulfilled is fine, but how are your husband and kids supposed to know how you envision your Mother's Day to be if you don't tell them.  Unfortunately we are all not psychics and some people need a little extra guidance and that's ok.

If your husband or kids ask you what do you want to do on Mother's Day, don't say "I don't care"- because we all do care.  You may not care about red carpet treatment, but you do care.  Being a mom is tough, so take that one day to celebrate yourself.

We all feel special different ways.  Maybe you enjoy gifts, or quality time, or hugs, whatever it is, speak up and tell them something- here's a few things I can think of:
homemade cards so I can save the kids handwriting and remember their sentiments.
a day of no housework
a day of no cooking
a day spent entirely with the family
a gift
a movie
a picnic
breakfast in bed.

Whatever it is you envision, let the cat out of the bag.  You may not get the perfect day, and don't expect it either.  But it's hard to have high expectations when you have given no standards.  If you ask for a tiffany necklace and don't get it, don't be angry, maybe he will take this that you are a gift person and will bring you some type of gift.

As for me, I like small surprises and I always want handmade things from my kids that come straight from the heart.  I also would like no laundry, dishes, or homework.

Mother's Day is to celebrate you and all that you do.  Don't set yourself up for disappointment or a week of complaining when you give an answer of "I don't care" or sit around waiting for the impossible.

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