Sunday, January 11, 2015

I Believe

I believe in God.

First of all, before I get started, I would just like to say that I am not writing this to stir up a discussion or argument or details of my belief.  I am writing this because it's true, it's how I feel, and I have recently been feeling compelled to share this story publicly.  If you do not agree with everything I say, or have a negative comment, please keep it to yourself.  Religion and politics are touchy subjects- I am not writing this to convince anyone of my beliefs.  I lead by example and I just want to share this in case someone else is in a similar situation and they need to hear it.

I also believe in Jesus Christ, for those of you who were thinking that.

When I was growing up, starting in fourth grade, I used to get migraines.  They were bad, I'd lose vision in one eye and have to go home from school.  When I was 19, I had my last migraine.  I remember because I used to keep track of how long it had been since I had one, it was one week, two weeks, one month, one year, etc.  To this day, when I see a camera flash or sunburst lingering in my vision, I panic a little that it's another migraine coming on.

In 2011, I got a migraine- 17 years after I stopped getting them!  I panicked.  Three months went by, so I thought it was a fluke, then I started getting them about once a week- they were worse than when I grew up, I had no energy, couldn't take care of my kids (I have 5 by the way).  The worst one was one day when I got in the shower and my daughter pointed to my shampoo and asked me what the fruit scent was- there was a picture of a carrot and an apple on the front- I could not remember the names of these items.  I called my husband at work to ask him and he thought I might be having a stroke.  I kept my oldest son home to watch me, and I ended up being ok.

I immediately decided to get an MRI, I was scared I might have a brain tumor.  I kept getting the migraines- one day after church, my kids and I were at Target buying gifts for needy families that we picked off the tree in the lobby.  I got a sudden onset migraine with quick vision loss- we headed back to church to wait for my husband to finish playing in the band.  I did not even feel safe driving my kids home.  That day, my friend, the pastor, approached me as I burst into tears, worried that if this kept happening that I would not be able to take care of my kids.  He put his hand on my head and prayed for me out loud.  He told me that he thought I was being called to do something great by God and that in retaliation, I was being attacked and stricken with these migraines.

Honestly, I was skeptical.  I believed in God, but I did not have a deep sense of it.  I had always been afraid to believe in God or go to church because I always heard stories of people's faith being tested and I felt safe when I didn't fully commit to believing because I wasn't a threat to be tested.  That week, I did some thinking- I never hear God calling me to do great things.  I never see a sign.  Then, it dawned on me- the first migraine was right after I started going to church.  The next ones, a few months later, came after I decided to join a group of friends who met weekly to read a chapter of the Bible (if you've never sat down to read it or interpret it, don't knock it).  I realized I was getting the migraines the day before the group, or right after I left church.  The last few were the worst, one on the way to buy gifts for the needy, and the ultimate worst was driving to take photos of hospice patients (all children) with Santa for their last Christmas.  In fact, I was being tested.

At this point, I had already had my MRI, I was just waiting for the results.  I broke down crying in my car when the migraine struck on the way to the photo shoot. I decided I really had nothing to lose by putting all my faith in God.  I prayed out loud and asked God to help me, to release me from the suffering of the migraines- for the devil to leave me alone- yes, this is hard for me to say out loud, but for the first time in my life, out loud, I said, "Devil leave me alone.".  Do you know that within five minutes of saying that prayer, my migraine was gone- if you recall earlier, I said they'd last all day.  I was able to go to the photo session, still weak and not 100% myself, but I was able to help.

I have NEVER had a migraine since that day- over two years ago!

MRI came back clean by the way.

My prayer was my recognition to myself and God that I do believe.  There are always doubts or questions, I cannot answer lots of things, and lots of things I do not understand- but I do know I asked for something that day and it was answered because I 100% fully believed in what I was asking and who I was asking it from.

Since then, I've realized, I'm not going to hear a voice calling out to me and telling me a specific direction for my purpose in life, it's happening right before my very eyes.  Things I do, circumstances I find myself in, paths I cross, people I know, people I come in contact with, these are not just coincidences, they were meant to be.

I am an example to my children, my friends, and my family- I have nothing to hide that I believe in God.  

Looking back, it was obvious the something great I was being called to do was be myself- to show that there is still lots of good in this world, to help people, to inspire people to be greater than they are.  If you need a healthy dose of feeling awesomeness, I'm your person.

No comments:

Post a Comment